My dreams and goals have been far-stretching ever since I can remember. I’ve wanted to be a little bit of everything with the combination in a constant flux which has caused this paralysis of sorts. I haven’t wanted to commit to any one thing lest it not be THE ONE thing that my heart truly desires to do for a living. It’s not that I’m aimless, it’s the exact opposite, I have too many targets and they’re all moving!
I’m like the boy who cried wolf, but the girl who cried “This is my life’s passion now! Watch me do it!” then did that thing for a while until realizing it wasn’t actually making me happy. I’ve done multiple reincarnations of Etsy shops and craft fairs, social work, interviewing women in business, and just making up titles for myself. But most of my time has been spent THINKING. More like WORRYING that I’ll choose the wrong thing.
I was talking to a friend about this dilemma and she mentioned a quote from the Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath that I had never heard (nor read, too dark for my cheery tastes). It goes a little something like this
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
Talk about hitting the nail on the head! Why am I sitting here wondering which one I want when I could simply choose one fig at a time to take a bite out of then either devour entirely or simply spit out and throw away?
Thus begins this new adventure! I’ve chosen the writer/speaker fig and am currently working on a book idea (secrets!), writing this bloggity blog, making up Power Point presentations on stuff I know to add to my arsenal of prepared speeches, and I’ve joined my local Toastmasters club to master those speaking skills. I gotta admit, I’m feeling pretty good about this fig.