Farewell, 2017, you were. . . you just were. (part II)

wishing you a very

Where did I leave off? Ahh yes. . . August. . . (part I)

August. . .
Nothing terribly exciting happened in August. I kept up with physical and mental health therapy. Thanks to the mental health therapy I was better able to navigate the hiccups of early relationships – or at least, the hiccups I seem to have (seem to create, maybe?). Therapy has given me a lot of room to think in my head – in the good way. I’ve always thought too much but now therapy has helped me pause and challenge those thought patterns. Though I just recently realized I could use some more work with negative thought patterns. . . I should look into that when I get health insurance again.

September. . .
September was more of the same with a work trip thrown in. We had corporate training where I expressed my fair share of common sense and equality-promoting ideas which didn’t seem to jive well. I had gotten to the point of being fed up with the injustices I was seeing across the company and couldn’t really bite my tongue any more.

October. . .
One of my fellowship fellows somehow managed to get a comped ticket to a local women’s conference and the caliber of the speakers was PHENOMENAL. It was an energizing experience and helped boost me back up to previous levels of excitement about my creative goals. I had been wavering since the end of the fellowship in June and being surrounded by these women was SO GOOD. The boo and I threw a Halloween party at my house! We had to postpone it from one weekend to another, which I think threw people off, so attendance was kind of low (only one of his friends showed up, and only a handful of mine) but we decorated the house TO THE NINES. It was SO GOOD. I’m super excited for next year’s party! Also, the boo said “I love you” – yay to that! We took a composting class together and though I haven’t set it all up yet, I’m excited to eventually get a little garden out back.

November. . .
Turkey day!!!! I hosted Thanksgiving at my house for the first time. The boo, my ma, and my brother all spent the day together. It was quite nice. I went to the boo’s Thanksgiving as well, his family did it on the weekend after. So I got to meet his family! It was fun, I like them.

December. . .
And now to today, the last day of December. I have to admit, I have a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth about December. Glass is half full: I’m travelling with the boo for New Years, currently beside a fireplace (because it’s freezing here and we’ve got Florida blood) and writing on my blog because I want to actually do something for myself this upcoming year as a potential career. I did 3 mind mapping sessions with facebook friends (so two I don’t really know at all, one I do know pretty well) to help them identify and plan out goals for the new year. It was a lot of fun – in a challenging and rewarding way. I gave them all homework and will be following up in two weeks. I’ve been painting a lot more and am working on another website to cater to selling to corporate clients (you can check out my attempt at a stop gap measure here!). Glass is half empty: I was “laid off” from the company and job I had been with for just a month shy of 5 years so I’m existing off of my paltry savings (remember when I bought a house 7 months ago, that was a lot of money down) and a meager “reemployment” contribution from the government. I interviewed with a dream job and am waiting to find out if I made it to round two of interviews. I’m applying left and right to other jobs – both potentially dream jobs and the “holy crap I have to pay a mortgage so I’ll take whatever I can get” jobs. This went down on the 8th so it’s been a shit-tastically tainted Christmas (thanks, bossman) but I’m hoping the new year will wash away bad vibes and I can start accumulating the good ones again. Fingers crossed!!! I’m terrified of not having health insurance, I’m trying to get over being mad about the “lay off”, I’m working on keeping my stress levels low about being unemployed, but I’m very grateful for my tribe – my family, friends, and boo – they’re all cheering me on and offering to help. I’m excited about the prospects of bigger and better things – even things like becoming a life coach or artist – OR BOTH!!! But that excitement is punctuated with moments of panic and depression – so, ya know, one day at a time.

2018 summary. . . bought a house, got a good boo, lost my job. Weeeeee!!!!!!!! Oh! I forgot that an old friend and I joined forces to challenge each other in losing weight – and we did really well for a while. I lost 15 pounds and looked and felt SO GOOD. But then, not so much. So I’m back up like 9 pounds but I know I can get to where I was before, and she does too, so yeah, we’re gonna be two more of those “New Years weight loss” people. But we did a trial run this last year!

If these wrap up posts sound a little robotic it’s likely because I feel a little robotic at the keyboard. I haven’t had the drive to write, to publish my feelings, in a very long time (obvs!) but part of having a blog and wanting to get better at writing is JUST WRITING – even when you think it’s crap or you’re dragging your feet to do it. If you read all of this, thank you for sticking with me. I’m hoping this year will bring more dynamic posts with life coaching and mental health posts meant to help the reader as much as they help me. I can’t tell you how good it felt when I got texts from the women I mind mapped with saying that I had helped them tremendously and was genuinely good at it (they’re my guinea pigs so I told them to give me honest feedback on how I do, the worksheets and homework I give them, and their experience overall). I love love love enabling, encouraging, and empowering others to be their best, happiest self.

I hope y’all have a great New Years Eve!!!!! 2018 should be. . . . (you fill in the blank with what YOU want it to be!). . . .

Farewell, 2017, you were. . . you just were. (part I)

Dear 2017. . .

Where do I even start with you?

You brought us number 45 which has been a dark circus of epic proportions.

wishing you a very

January. . .
I started mental health therapy because I wanted to try to start dating again and I had some baggage I needed to work through. I was also doing physical therapy after months of chiropractic care for a car accident in 2016 wasn’t helping. Physical therapy helped throughout the year but holy crap my back and neck will never be the same and realizing that SUCKS. I was looking to buy a house because my landlord sold my apartments at the end of 2016 and that woke me up then made me dream of owning my own place. I started the search – which was fun. . . at first. I went to the Women’s March in DC! It was a last minute opportunity so I hopped on a bus with a bunch of (admittedly predominantly white) women and sat for hours on end on a bus from Florida to the capitol to help tell the world to fuck off if they think we’re cool with a locker room talking pussy-grabber being the figure head of our country. It felt pretty good. I started a six month fellowship for young progressives – taking up one weekend of each month from January to June of 2017. Each weekend would teach me more about how to help change the world through leadership and policy change – while connecting me with my fellowship class (they are AMAZING people) and local leaders who have helped me SO MUCH this year. January was a weekend of opening up to 24 of my peers more than I’d opened up even to ex’s – within a 48 hour period. It was fantastic. It reignited my passion to launch an art studio/community space/creative incubator/store front for local creators. I saw Lala Land, which ok, yes, it’s like the most basic movie ever but I freaking love it. I admit it. I watched it a bunch (I had free movie coupons!) and now I own it on DVD. Judge away, you judgers!

February. . .
I had the weirdest encounter with my neighbors across the way where I intervened on a boyfriend treating a girlfriend super shitty while she was having a panic attack. I ended up on the floor of their apartment with her, telling him what to do (and not do) and talking to her parents on the phone to get them to come over. So surreal. I also ended up at a surrealist art exhibit later that day so ya know, fitting. I started going to local activism events for Black Lives Matter and local Muslim mosques thanks to my fellowship fellows. I signed papers on a house that fell through – this would be a recurring thing.

March. . .
I grew impatient with the house buying because something would come up then quickly fall through. I had been doing well in therapy and then was waiting on a house to go through so I could start dating but then. . . I got bored one night and signed up on some apps and then started swiping and one thing led to another and I just kind of started dating. Dating on apps is kind of terrible. Thanks to my fellowship I was meeting more helpful connections in my community and getting even more traction with my studio plotting.

April. . .
I started closing on the house of my dreams in the neighborhood I wanted and within my price range!!!! Then it dragged on. . . and on. . . and closing dates changed. . . and changed. . . and changed. . . I packed and lived in a half-packed apartment unsure of where I’d be living from day to day. I started going on actual real life dates! With real life people! In fact, I went on like 4 dates in one week! With 4 different people!!! GO ME! I ended up going on a date that would lead to a relationship that I’m still in today (also, go me!). I attended a women’s conference in Florida with my ma – it was pretty alright.

May. . .
After I was supposed to close on the 5th on my very own 1925 bungalow version of Barbie’s dream house. . . that day came and went. . . AGAIN. It wouldn’t be until the 17th that I would sign my life away and get the keys to my FREAKING HOUSE. MY HOUSE. I LIVE IN A HOUSE NOW WHERE I PAY A MORTGAGE AND NOT RENT. I also pay every time the AC craps out, so ya know, there’s that. I continued going to therapy weekly. I was dating a couple guys when a moment of “you’re not a ‘fuck yes’, are you?” with the current boo ended in me saying “If I’m not a fuck yes for you, you’re a no for me” and that was over – for almost a week. Then he texted and we talked and I cut things off with the other guys and now, he and I are doing well! *swoon!* Oh, and in May there was a super fun company picnic that I had the super fun task of planning and running and I ended up crying and having to call the cops because the people who took over the pavilion I reserved at a park wouldn’t leave. SUPER FUN.

June. . .
I learned that the company I had been working for was merging our Florida operations in July. That was stressful news but I figured I had been there longer than the other admin staff in my office so I’d be ok. I turned 33! Apparently that’s your “Jesus year” – you know, when he did all of his miracles and helping people and stuff. I don’t know. I “graduated” my fellowship program! I didn’t FINISH my business plan but I put together a good presentation and felt pretty good about it. I still don’t technically have a plan but I’m a work in progress. I’m ok with that.

July. . .
The month started off with my housewarming party. It was actually a lot of fun – I had stressed a lot about it leading up (surprise!). I pressured myself to have everything ready – which it definitely was NOT. I got a lot done and it looked good – including a PILLOW FORT ROOM. No lie. I’m a 33 year homeowner with a pillow fort room. My fellowship fellows showed up en masse as well as my new boo, AND! My mom and my brother were there! It was a bit awkward at first to have all of my groups collide but it ended up perfectly alright. Phew! I got to attend a political campaign bootcamp – it was an intense weekend-long shebang and I survived.

 

And that wraps up the part I of my not-really-epic saga of 2017. I’m hoping 2018 brings more friendships, successes, the kind of failures I can learn from, love, learning, and GOOD TIMES. And yeah, a dash of world domination would be rad too.

Even the Medicated Get Melancholy

I’ve started scheduling blog posts so there’s already one that I wrote a few days ago but scheduled to post for today published. 

However. . .

I am feeling frustratingly empty right now to the point of tears and I’m practicing opening up – so here’s me sharing. 

The blessing of being medicated is finally going through life with only small shifts in the currents of my moods rather than the turbulent tides I was used to a few years ago. You happily forget what it’s like to feel depression – to feel like you want nothing more than to exist as a blob wrapped in blankets doing nothing, saying nothing, and trying your hardest to think nothing. That’s what my depression looks like. 

Where did this come from? I’m taking my meds, going to therapy, painting, hanging out with friends sometimes (probably not as much as I could), avoiding negative news, and trying to appreciate the positives. So what gives? 

I feel like I’m never going to find love, I’m never going to figure out my full potential, I’m never going to fit in anywhere, I’m never going to manage my bad habits, I’m never going to lose the weight I want to and thus never look how I want to and thus never attract my partner in crime, I’m never going to want to leave this bed.

Seriously, where did this come from? I hate it. I also hate opening up and feeling vulnerable so all of those thoughts – while they’ve been active – have never been expressed before. 

Depression is so fucking tricky because it’s your brain lying to you and convincing you that who you think you are on the good days is the lie, rather than it being the lie itself. 

I hate this. I’m just going to go to sleep and hope I wake up feeling like myself again. I’ve got an exciting meeting tomorrow and if depressed Jessie is the one who wakes up it’s gonna be a tough day of maintaining the facade of being fine. 

Art Therapy

Here in the US we’re going through a bit of a crisis. Well, those of us who are more liberal minded and concern ourselves with causes like social justice seem to be in a state of crisis at least. I think as a country we became complacent with the status quo then for myself personally, I saw in Bernie Sanders a real opportunity to put social issues at the forefront of policy changes should he have been the Democratic candidate to go up against trump. But. . . due to a series of suspiciously unfortunate events he was elected to be our Democratic candidate or even an independent candidate and thus we have landed our country in a position to be mocked across the globe and with absolute reason.

My point in this introduction is that I want to explain how soul crushing this past month has been thanks to “45” (it’s what I’ll call the current president because his name is too triggery) being an uneducated and boisterous child with concern only for attention and money. The emboldened racists and misogynists who are gaining confidence in the acceptability of their beliefs now that they have a PRESIDENT who shares their views are becoming louder than those of us who believe in equality and justice for all. It’s terrifying. Almost paralyzing. Some days I want to shut down and the reason isn’t my chemical depression – it can be traced back to ONE MAN running for PRESIDENT OF A FREE COUNTRY. That sentence is so upsetting and frustrating and makes me feel powerless.

Thus, I have been painting a lot lately to supplement my weekly therapy. And by a lot I mean every other day. . . at LEAST. I have nowhere to put my paintings I’ve painted so many.

I cannot express in words how therapeutic I find smooshing a bunch of bright, pretty paint around a fresh white canvas. I suppose it’s a release similar to what people who are obsessed with running feel? I’m not sure, I loathe running. I sit in my little apartment’s living room with some movie on in the background (no cable or internet so it’s just the DVDs I own), in a crappy lawn chair (I never bought a couch or moved in my real chair – never wanted to haul it upstairs), surrounded by my rainbow explosion of paint tubes and paint 1-5 canvases in one night. All of my angst is gone for those 1-6 hours. All of it. No facebook news feed, no racism, no hate, none of my rights being taken away, just me and my creativity.

Now, I know this is not a long term solution and I by no means see it as such. This has been my escape for the month of February. I told myself I could have the month of February to ignore everything and focus on myself. I am no good to my community if I’m a mess. Now that it’s March, I’m already in full swing activist mode – more on that later. For now, here’s a sampling of my paintings! Just keep in mind, these are THERAPEUTIC – not artistic – so be gentle on the judging!

 

Random grouping that gives you an idea of my style
Rainbow birch bark series
Trying to not use the entire canvas
One of my favorites!
Another favorite – I like lots of bright colors
Rainbows!

My Vision Statement – She Should Run

Hello everyone!

I’ve been immersed in several useless wastes of energy lately that I’ll be struggling to wrangle into order so that I can start 2017 off right. Fuck 2016, amirite?

One very cool thing that I’ve started is the She Should Run online incubator which is one of the most exciting things to come of 2016.

Lesson 1: Develop Your Vision for Making an Impact

I wrote about 6 versions of this before finally just releasing it into the ether of the internets. I had to let it go in order to move on. I wanted to share what I came up with though because it applies to my blog (it mentions my blog!) and I spoke from my heart 100% – as I feel I do in this here space as well. Please feel free to read at your leisure and comment if you can suggest any edits that may make this vision statement more powerful for a political campaign-type purpose (I’m not running any time soon or anything, but I might as well start getting feedback now!).

 

In 2014 suicide was listed as the 3rd leading cause of death in youth ages 10 to 24 and 90% of those who died by suicide had an underlying mental illness.*

In 1999 at the age of 15 I attempted suicide because I could see no escape from the emotions that I felt trapped within for over 4 years. Because of this attempt I was committed to a psychiatric facility where instead of taking the opportunity to heal I continued to lie to my family, my treatment team, and worst of all, myself as I stood my ground in declaring that I was perfectly fine; there was nothing wrong with me. I grew up in a middle class nuclear family with as much privilege as you would imagine a Caucasian girl in the suburbs would have. Because I was aware of this privilege I struggled with asking for help when I needed it. Who was I, someone who had two working parents and a decent path to college to cry over what seemed like nothing at all? Who was I to refuse to get out of bed every morning when I had a bed in a good neighborhood? Who was I to be sad when I had nothing justifiable to be sad about? I felt so much shame not only for harboring a mental illness but also shame for not wanting to exist when I had so many more reasons that I should be grateful and not miserable.

I suffered my bipolar disorder for 8 years after that suicide attempt before I would admit to a licensed professional that I might need help. That was 8 years of quitting jobs abruptly, arguing with partners over nothing on any given day, losing the respect of my friends, and allowing my self-worth to wan and wax with the cycles of my bipolar; all because of the shame and stigma that went with it in our culture. At 23 I began seeing a therapist and psychiatrist but it still wasn’t until another 4 years later that I actually took my mental health care seriously.  Finally, at the age of 27 I started treating my bipolar like a diabetic would their diabetes; monitoring my medications and my reactions to them, checking in regularly with my physicians, I recruited my close friends to be my support team, recording my symptoms and how they change, and taking it seriously as a life and death matter because it truly can be.

I didn’t talk openly about my bipolar to my friends, family, and previous partner until 3 years ago after I had sought out serious treatment. I was embarrassed that I knew something was wrong that entire time and had failed to do anything about it. I was embarrassed that I had a “mental illness”. I felt like I was now certifiably defective. In reality I had played into all of the damaging stigmas of mental illness and because of that I suffered needlessly for far too many years. It has taken me a very long time to embrace who I am, to openly admit my mental health struggles, and to say that I have something of value to offer my community because of these things.

In November of 2015 I joined Toastmasters in an effort to learn to speak publicly about mental health so that I can help make this a topic that we aren’t ashamed of. I want someone who is struggling at the age of 15 to identify their feelings of total apathy and emptiness as possible depression and be comfortable talking to their school counselor about it. I want us to have conversations about mental health just as we do about physical health, because there should be as much shame about anxiety as there is about a broken arm, which is to say none.

In this past year I’ve shared my story through social media and on a blog that I write somewhat regularly. I’ve been messaged, retweeted, tagged, emailed, and continue to received heartfelt comments expressing gratitude for my candid approach to discussing my own struggles with mental health. There are people all over the world who have not yet found a way to get over the stigma of mental illness and so they continue self-medicating or hide their emotions. I was recently messaged by a reader who said that I inspired them to become more open about their issues with anxiety, and that despite their worries of being negatively received they’ve gotten nothing but love and support from the people they’ve opened up to.

This brings me to why I’m here with She Should Run; I want to help give a voice to those who don’t feel strong or confident enough to be their own voice yet. I want to empower those who feel they don’t have a say to realize that they have much more than they know right now and they have the power to use it for the benefit of everyone in our community. I want to speak up for the homeless, the prison population, the addicts, and the veterans who might not realize that a part of their suffering could come from mental illness. I want to be a part of the governing body that decides to allocate resources to help repair this. I want to fight to end youth suicide due to mental illness with comprehensive mental health programs, especially in at-risk areas. I want to use whatever privilege I have to help those who have less.

 

* Behavioral Health Trends in the United States: Results from the 2014 National Survey on Drug Use and Health by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

Just Get Over It Already

Move on, count your losses, count your blessings, better to have loved (liked) and lost than never to have loved (liked) at all, get over it, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, blah blah blah whatever else I’m tired of trying to tell myself.

Since this blog is about my life and how I’m trying to figure things out – I’m just going to share my biggest current personal point of frustration regardless of how ridiculous it is. 

I’ve already written about my most recent relationship blunder and it’s been three months since then and we only actually “dated” (if it was even up to that?) for maybe a month but I’m still bummed about it.  And this is abnormal for me – I’m a “well, it wasn’t meant to be so it isn’t anymore!” kind of person and with the above background information, this breakup should be a breeze for me to get over, right?  Not so much apparently. 

I’ve thought about it and one explanation for my inability to move on could be that the chance to really truly find out if it wasn’t meant to be wasn’t even given room to breathe.  Yes, I ended it, but I did so preemptively and I tried explain this but the person had already “moved on” by the time I came to that realization.

It takes me a LONG time to open up to a partner – it even takes me a bit to feel at ease around them – I’m a tough nut to crack.  If you’re so inclined to enjoy astrology, I’m a cancer and though I’m trying to soften my hard shell just try to imagine a crab without its shell – that’s a very unnerving site!  I’m still stuck on the “but what if?” because it wasn’t explored fully.  My shell was thick and tough thanks to the relationship before this one (cheating, lying, yelling, emotional manipulation, all around bad news bears).  What could have been if my walls weren’t so solidly up?  Sure it could’ve ended just the same,  but it would be with reason. 

 And that’s the other big component that’s missing from this breakup – the lack of clarity in my closure.  Moved on?  Ok, but why?  There’s got to be a reason, right?  I post on Facebook too much, I’m pushy, I hate the TV news, the  physical attraction just wasn’t there, the spark was more like a fizzle, I’m too in my own head half the time then writing blogs the other half. . .  I need something identifiable that I can stick next to the expiration date of the relationship and say “Yeah, that makes sense.”  The vague nebulous of potential reasons has got my heart shoving its foot in the door whispering that there’s still a chance.  No, heart!  There is NOT a chance!  But without enough information that the brain can process then relay to the heart that damn heart will just not let it go. 

I never would have thought that at 32 I’d be writing about relationship woes on a damn blog.  This seemingly disproportionate heartache makes me feel borderline pathetic but I think this is just me being human.  I have to admit that I’m not indestructible for once and I’m not used to that.  I suppose I could consider it a lesson in humility.  It’s all so cliche though.  

It’ll be easier one day.  Even without closure.  I just need to remind myself that it’s ok to not be ok, regardless of how ridiculous it seems to indulge that. 

Swearwords as motivation

If you’ve read my blog in the last couple of weeks you may recall this post here:  It’s a Process – try, fail, succeed

In that post I shared a lovely graphic that I made in the hopes of inspiring you to embrace failure.

Well, after asking a representative at Canva if I could use swearwords in a non-defamatory way with their site to make my graphics, I got just the answer I was looking for: yes.

I bring to you, my motivation through swearwords version of that graphic.  This one should not be displayed on cubical walls.  But definitely text it to your bestie if they’re having a hard time at work.  They’ll appreciate it.

Copy of When you repeat the cycle of is sitting on the other side of fear. (1)

Leap then Look, When not to Consider the Consequences

BEST IDEA EVER!!

I’ve always had a knack for carelessly jumping head-first into whatever grand idea I thought was The Best Idea Ever at any given time.  I would chalk this up to the poor decision making abilities that come with my bipolar, but this goes way back into childhood.  I broke my arm when I was super young, during preschool years, because I absolutely NEEDED to “couch dance.”  This was dancing not just on the couch cushions where one sits, but also the backrest of the couch which is completely ill-advised for a small child.  I was told not to, I didn’t listen, I had an AMAZING time doing it, until – the THUD of my tiny frame came crashing to the ground behind the couch.  The fun was over.  At least until the cast was off.

I’ve never much thought about my ability (or disability, depending on how you view it) to make decisions with my gut and go for them full steam ahead without much consideration until recently.  Being a new member of Toastmasters, I gave my Icebreaker Speech late last year in which I chronicled my “inventive” and “entrepreneurial” spirit throughout my development into adulthood (I went with the fact that I spell my name Jessie with an “ie”).  One of the members commented afterward that she wished she had approached her life like I did when she was growing up.  I didn’t know what she meant because to me, I kind of seem like a hot mess looking back, but she explained that she appreciates my “why not?” attitude about everything.

 

Yeah, WHY NOT?

The woman had an excellent point.  I’ve accomplished a lot of random little victories in my life because I’ve looked at most things with that “why not?” outlook.  Opportunities came up and with little thought I embraced them wholeheartedly and let them play out.  There are times in life when caution is advisable and 100% appropriate, but with a lot of the non-essential stuff, stuff that your heart just whispers to you “Hey, this might be kind of neat to try” why would you stop yourself?  Thanks to my whim-following heart I’ve hosted a radio show in college, been involved in roller derby for 9 years, was the social chair of my sorority, told multiple people I thought they were cute/I liked them (I would say it was a 50/50 ROI on that, I’m way better with rejection than I am with “waiting to see if they make the first move”), moved to Denver, acted in sketch comedy skits, and opened multiple Etsy shops.  These were not things that I thought through.  The idea came to me, or just presented itself all up in my face, and I embraced it.  Some of those ventures failed, some happened and were fun, and some changed the course of my life (I guess all did technically).

 

Leap already!

I’m sure we’ve all seen those articles on our social media feeds that list the “Top 30 Things You Regret not Doing when You’re 70” or whatever, and every single one emphasizes that you wind up regretting the things that you DIDN’T do.  Here is a list of things that I believe you can go ahead and DO, just leap before looking!

Cut your hair, audition for a play, apply for that promotion, SING KARAOKE, ask the cute person across the way to dance, say yes when your friend invites you to try something new, explore that hobby you’ve always been interested in, start saving for that big trip you’ve always wanted to take, just go take that little weekend trip already, try out for the sports team, join an adult recreational sports team, START BLOGGING, raise your hand excitedly the next time you hear “Can I have a volunteer from the audience?”, dance – even if no one else is, go back to school, volunteer your time, write a book, or join a new group a little outside of your comfort zone.

 

 

03%2F22%2F19

Ok, take a peek over the edge real quick, but then leap!

And now, the things that perhaps you should take some time to consider before acting on (because I definitely have one tattoo that I did NOT look into before leaping).

Adopt a fur child, get a tattoo, change careers, move to a new city/state/country, actually go on that big trip you’ve always wanted to take, pop the “big question”, start a business, or go in to the boss person and ask for that raise at work.

 

You do You

Most importantly, you do you.  Speak and act your heart’s truth.  The last thing you want is to go through life regretting chances you didn’t take or the bad choices you did make.  If your gut says “LEAP!  NOW!”, maybe tell your best friend first and see if they offer a parachute or downright refuse to let you get in the airplane – then weigh their input and act accordingly.  Life is way too short to wonder “What if?”

It’s 2016, b*tches!

Hello, all! Sorry about the strong language there, but I am REALLY excited about this new year. Really SUPER excited!

I didn’t make any resolutions this year but I did make a short list of “Things I’d Really Like to Accomplish” in the next 365 days – covering all aspects of my life. I have been paralyzed these first couple of weeks with the list of avenues of accomplishment that I want to pursue this year to the point that sitting here writing is like letting off the release valve on something that’s super not-released (yeah, I know nothing about how to make that analogy work). What I’m trying to say is that I have a lot to accomplish and it’s all over the place so I’ve got to sort out my priorities like whoa if I want to get anywhere this year.

Without further ado, I present my list of “Things I’d Really Like to Accomplish in 2016”!

Jessie’s List of Thing’s She’d Really Like to Accomplish in 2016

Financial. . . Get out of debt – pay off my student and car loan

Personal. . . 1. Go to the gym regularly  2. Change spending habits

Save the Empire (aka quit the corporate world). . .  1. Re-open my Etsy shop, AEROLOGIE  2. Create a webinar to help others open their own Etsy shops  3. Help the boo with the business aspect of his comic book goals  4.  Hone my public speaking skills through Toast Masters

Sometime in 2014 or early 2015 I found something called The Passion Planner on Kickstarter and I instantly fell in love. I wasn’t entirely sold on believing that I had goals worth organizing in a planner of that magnitude at the time so I admired from afar. Well, my friends, I got a brand new shiny planner for 2016 and I am IN LOVE with this thing. I haven’t quite mastered it yet, there are so many ways it can be used to increase efficiency but with so many directions I’m pushing myself it’s been hard to narrow my focus.

Anyway, lest I not ramble, I wanted to get my goals out in public to hold myself accountable to the internets at-large, because maybe that will help me keep focus!

What is your planning for 2016 looking like?

The Paradox of Choice

If I’m to believe the internet, famous actress, Mae West said, at two different times, the following quotes:

“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful”

and

“Too much of a good thing can be taxing”

Preach it, Mae!

I recently re-took the Myers-Briggs personality test through the 16 Personalities website (a fantastic resource where you can read about your type in-depth, they do also sell further in-depth analyses – I didn’t opt for that) and came up again as INFJ.  As a psychology major in undergrad I strongly believe in the principals of this personality measurement tool so I fully “buy in” to it – judge if you will, but take a minute to complete the test and see if your results speak truth to you!

“INFJs are likely to find that most corporate career paths are not designed for them, but for those focused on status and material gain. This doesn’t mean that people with the INFJ personality type struggle to see viable options though. In fact, they are likely to face the opposite problem – many INFJs struggle to begin a career early on because they see ten wildly different paths forward, each with its own intrinsic rewards, alluring but also heartbreaking, because each means abandoning so much else.”

For so long I’ve given into the paradox of choice where I’m stunted by the sheer limitlessness of possibilities. Too much freedom (a good thing) can be both wonderful and taxing, all at the same time.

I do see these wildly different paths and I’ve no idea how to narrow them down so this year I’m going to take them all on and try to prioritize my time to fit them in. We’ll see if I can turn myself into an Etsy-selling, author-speaker, crystal healer, who-knows-what-else.

The trick now is to avoid that burnout that I’ve pretty much mastered falling into almost monthly. . .

Only time will tell!